party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
did you just send me my own nude
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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