Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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