my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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