So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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