i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
