Redeem this text for a blowjob
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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