I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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