stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
