I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
