He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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