I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
