the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How does it feel to date your dad?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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