Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
