please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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