First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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