Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
