So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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