I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
