We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
