she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
