somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
