no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
this will be a night to untag.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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