I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
