Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize