I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize