Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
