Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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