when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
