life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
