It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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