if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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