My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
