and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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