Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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