i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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