can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Randomize
