Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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