its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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