How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
