i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
