It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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