my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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