you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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