his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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