so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
