the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize