Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize