Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
