FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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