She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
