She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
