What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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