I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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