I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
