that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
