Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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