I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
