While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
