the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
