Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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