The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
