Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
