btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize