i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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