Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
