No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
