Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Someone signed my nipple.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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