You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
