Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize