Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
