tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
time to smoke my breakfast
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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