What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
