I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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