Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need a beard to bite.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
